What Not To Say To Your Child

A relative’s family came to wish us Diwali last night. They were three of them- father, mother and their eight year old boy. The lady and her husband greeted us and we greeted them back. However, the boy was quiet. He was trying to hide behind her mother all the time. She said to him, ‘Aarav say Namaste to everyone.’ To this he looked at us shyly and went closer to his mother, who by the time had started feeling embarrassed. I went to the boy and took his hand in my hands and said, ‘hello.’ He said hello in a very low voice. His mother looked surly and scolded him, ‘beta aunty ko hello karo, kya ladkiyo ki tarah sharma rahe ho?’ (say hello to aunty, don't be shy like a girl).

It is very normal for kids to be shy. Nonetheless, it was her comment that had taken me aback. Here was a well educated working woman who was putting this nonsense in her child’s mind that it is okay to behave this way if you are a girl, but not if you are a boy.

Every now and then we hear such discrimination views from parents, ‘kya ladkiyon ki tarah ro rahe ho’ (you are crying like a girl), ‘ladka hokar doll se/ kitchen set se khelega’ (boys don't play with dolls or kitchen sets) etc. I remember when my brother was very young he used to broom the floor trying to imitate my mother. One day a neighbour saw him doing him and scolded him lovingly, ‘ladki h kya jo jahdu laga raha h?’ (why are you brooming the floor, are you a girl?)

Do not ever put this distorted vision of the world in your child’s naive mind. A world in which only girls are allowed to be shy, to weep and doing household chores. In real world anyone, irrespective of their gender, can be shy, be sad enough to weep and do cooking, brooming and other household chores.
And never never tell your girl child, ‘ise job karke kya karna h, iski to shaadi ho jayegi.’ (she will not do a job because she will get married one day). Yes she will get married one day, like you son would, but do not feed the idea in her mind that this is the only aim in her life.